When I was about 15 I started to develop this idea in my head that I would be married by the time I was 22. I don't know why I chose that age but it became almost like a deadline. If I wasn't married by that time then something was wrong with me and I was never going to find someone to love me.
I did a leadership/pastoral internship at my church for two years right after high school, and I figured that was the perfect place to find someone! I had no doubt in my mind that I would meet someone and we would start dating after graduation and I would be married well before my "deadline". Start having kids by the age of 25, be on staff at church and have a wonderful husband who adores me and makes just enough money for us to live comfortably. There you have it. My life plan. I never really got to planning anything past the getting married part.
Well...guess how old I am. That's right--22. Am I married? Nope. Am I at least dating someone? Nope. Is it the end of the world like I thought it was going to be?
Not at all.
I can honestly say that I have never been more happy to be single than I am right now. There's plenty of people around me in healthy, long lasting relationships, but I just don't want that right now. I really never thought I would say that. The thought of being single and alone has consumed my thoughts, fears, dreams, goals for so long I can't even tell you when it first began! All I wanted was to be married. And I can't even tell you why. I think I thought it would make me into a whole new person and I would be like super woman or something. But now I see girls in their teens with the sole ambition of getting married and I worry.
As women, why do we define ourselves by what men think of us?
Better yet, why does our outer appearance generally determine our confidence and self worth?
Aye. These are the type of questions none of us want to ask ourselves. I work in cosmetics so some people might say I'm a hypocrite, but makeup doesn't define me. It is, however, part of me. I'm an artist. Makeup is my paint and your face is my canvas. But now I'm getting off topic.
My whole point is that life is not about finding that perfect person to spend the rest of your life with. I grew up feeling that way (probably from all the romantic fiction novels I just loved to read), and I know a lot of other women feel that way too.
I challenge you to dream. To set goals. To travel. To be independent.
We are just as intelligent as men. We can be doctors, lawyers, engineers, astronauts, scientists, missionaries, artists. So why not? What's stopping you? Someone once said, "Youth is wasted on the young." And that person was right. In our youth we long to be adults. We rush to get married and start families. Five years down the road we feel trapped and stuck, we don't have dreams or goals anymore.
I challenge you to take advantage of your youth and do the things you won't be able to do once you're settled down and have a family. Make a difference in this world. Pursue what you're passionate about. Find a way to be happy without the affection of a man. You shouldn't need a boyfriend to make you happy, you need to find joy within yourself. True joy comes from knowing God, so that's a great place to start. Seek His heart and you will find many things--some that you didn't even go looking for.
Faith.Hope.Love.
Chelsea Rae
